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When I was a teen, I was clinically depressed. I didn't know what depression was, or how it could be clinical. I naively thought everybody felt the way I did. Crying every day and waiting to die.
People sort of just tagged me as "melancholy" and left me to it. I eventually learnt what depression was, and I went to see a doctor (back in those days, GPs actually like...did something). I met with a trainee doctor whose name I can't remember and she was the first person I felt took me seriously. She had genuine concern about what I was saying when I didn't even think what I said could even be worth concern. I saw her a few times and she regularly booked me in to see her. She seemed so proud of me when I stepped outside of my depression for the first time (in hindsight, she was probably mostly proud of herself). I didn't actually do anything, I just took some pills and tried to get rid of bastards in my life. But she left me with the age-old pearl of wisdom; |
the world is your oyster
It's so silly because like, this is something we all hear in an ironic way. I still say it for comedic effect at times. But in that moment it really meant something to me. It meant I could be free to do whatever I wanted. Really, that doctor did also trust that I had judgement and meant no harm. But my point is that, like... why be so scared all the time? Why worry about things that don't actually affect or hurt anybody?
I've worn a tail in public for many years, far before I took an interest in the furry fandom or knew or cared anything about kink. But now? I still wear it, but I hesitate because I think about what people think it will imply. Will people think I'm being kinky in public? Will people think I'm on the wrong side of the furry fandom?
But actually, the world is my oyster. Who cares? I can't keep living in fear.
Social media has fucked up what it means to use the internet. Constantly worrying about being cancelled or doxxed or misunderstood. But any misunderstanding or hatred is entirely about the other person. They're bringing that with them. People go onto certain websites with all guns blazing - and it shows. I miss the internet of the 90s and early 00s.
I recently learned about https://cloudhiker.net/ and took some time to surf around random websites and it really did hold onto that feel of surfing the net back then. People making silly things, silly games, projects - whatever. And they're not doing it because they want to get ad revenue or whatever. They're doing it because... their website is their own space and they can do what they want with it and-
Hey wait. I have a website.
And honestly, like. Why worry about what it's supposed to be? A professional art website? Why did I have to justify putting my Jade Cocoon project on here? It's so stupid.
This all rattles on with my new found interest in Stoicism. I'm not going to explain that here. Banana on a string yadda yadda.
Anyway, so this random stuff section is just my collection of garbage. Enjoy.
I've worn a tail in public for many years, far before I took an interest in the furry fandom or knew or cared anything about kink. But now? I still wear it, but I hesitate because I think about what people think it will imply. Will people think I'm being kinky in public? Will people think I'm on the wrong side of the furry fandom?
But actually, the world is my oyster. Who cares? I can't keep living in fear.
Social media has fucked up what it means to use the internet. Constantly worrying about being cancelled or doxxed or misunderstood. But any misunderstanding or hatred is entirely about the other person. They're bringing that with them. People go onto certain websites with all guns blazing - and it shows. I miss the internet of the 90s and early 00s.
I recently learned about https://cloudhiker.net/ and took some time to surf around random websites and it really did hold onto that feel of surfing the net back then. People making silly things, silly games, projects - whatever. And they're not doing it because they want to get ad revenue or whatever. They're doing it because... their website is their own space and they can do what they want with it and-
Hey wait. I have a website.
And honestly, like. Why worry about what it's supposed to be? A professional art website? Why did I have to justify putting my Jade Cocoon project on here? It's so stupid.
This all rattles on with my new found interest in Stoicism. I'm not going to explain that here. Banana on a string yadda yadda.
Anyway, so this random stuff section is just my collection of garbage. Enjoy.
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This page last updated March 2023 - You'll find a more direct update of my work by following me on social media
